And finally—sorry, I hate to say it, but—we both cringe in front of the TV set during a national tragedy. We’re hoping and praying. Praying, “Dear God, please, please don’t let it be one of us!”

-- Excerpt FROM VEILS TO THONGS An Arab Chick’s Surivival Guide to Balancing One’s Ethnic Identity in America. p. 102

When I wrote this 2 years ago, I was only joking.

But only half joking.

Whatever’s going on … gotta stop.

Seems like everyone’s losing their minds.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - I think we’re all getting it.

Time to start …

Time to start … stopping.

My prayers go out to everyone affected by this horrific, insane tragedy.

(Disclaimer: The author does not endorse any kind of violence whatsoever, and does not minimize the importance of demonstrating on behalf of injustices and serious global issues. In fact, the author supports the right to protest – and condemns all forms of violence. Real message: protest – but don’t be stupid about it.

However, for those who do not have a sense of humor…please skip over.

Thank you,

Management ( as in "me", the author)

***********

This is sooo embarrassing! This is the WORST G-20 summit ever!

UGH! I am soooo ashamed to be a Pittsburgher right now! I can’t even show my face!

35,000 riot police, SWAT, Feds, National Guard...and no protests! No REAL protests! I mean, where's the burning buildings? Where’s the massive arrests? Where’s the city on fire!

Where’s the ACTION?!

THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON!

BORR-ING!

I mean the most impressive thing that’s happened so far is that a couple of guys from Greenpeace hung from a downtown bridge for a few hours with a big sign pushing awareness of global warming.

That’s it!

Big deal, ya know?! Jeez!

Believe me, there would be more rioting in the streets of Pittsburgh if the Steeelers got an unfair 15 yard penalty! Trust me on that. In fact, that’s when we needed all this police presence – is when the Steelers won the Super Bowl back in January. Now THAT was mayhem – as it should be!

Every 2 seconds cars were lit on fire, mattresses were burning, and police couldn’t keep up with all the 9-1-1 calls! University of Pittsburgh students even managed to pull a dumpster out, drag it in the middle of congested Forbes Avenue and light it on fire! POOF! Blazing flames right in the middle of the street! I think someone even dropped a couple of bottles of vodka on it to increase the flames. I swear you’d have thought it was a coup d’etat! A good old fashioned coup d’etat! It was GREAT!

Now…THAT’S how it’s done!

But here…n... [Read More]

VERITAS.

It’s my favorite word. Veritas means Truth in Latin.

I love Truth.

It’s crystal clear and absolutely undeniable.

I’ve always said we need a brotha’ in the White House, cos’a brotha’ will tell it like it is—that’s for damned sure. And sure enough, brotha’ was on it! Mr. Obama told it like it was. Straight. Bold. And with courage. As uncomfortable as it was to hear, he didn’t hide behind anything—he spoke the truth on many issues. And we’ve been needing to hear the truth for so long.

Obama extended his hand to the Arab and Muslim world in a way that no other president has ever before. By suspending the usual arrogance and condescending tone so often used by others, and speaking to his audience with real respect and dignity, he affirmed that one fundamental truth that we all know deep within our hearts: All men (and women) are, indeed, created equal.

It takes a certain, strength, wisdom and humility to extend one’s hand and open one’s heart, in order to begin the healing process. This concept is so clearly summed up in one simple phrase:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Mr. Obama spoke their language, quoted their Holy Qur’an, and openly recognized the countless contributions of the Islamic and Arab civilizations, so often overlooked, or unknown, by the West. He spoke to their hearts. He spoke as a man to another man—not as a parent to a child. He apologized for America’s mistakes, pointed out theirs, and promised to create a new beginning.

And the right condemned him.

Hard line Republicans are funny people. Most identify themselves as Christians, but completely miss the message. They remind me of the Pharisees and Scribes that Jesus often condemned as hypocrites in the Bible. They’re hearts were hard and their own self-righteousness blinded them to the truth. They only understood the Letter of the Law – not the Heart of the Law—which, ironically, was Christ’s message. Jesu... [Read More]

And the winner is….

“We got 11,000….Do I hear 12,000? … 12 for the pretty little Romanian! ….12? ….12 for a once in a lifetime fantasy… Folks, ya can’t beat the price! … 12 IT IS to the man with the white polyester pants and obnoxious gold chain! …

Do I hear 13? … 13,000? … She’s a beauty, folks…look at ‘er…Untouched and pure! … She’s a young one, only 18 fellas! Only 18! PURE, RIPE AND READY TO GO! … 13? ...13? …13 IT IS for the man with the sleazy turned up collar and bad cologne!…

Do I hear 14? …14,000? …14,000? …

Folks, come on, you can’t get any purer than this beauty right here…Look at those eyes! … Innocent, never touched before – GUARANTEED! … It’s like opening your very own brand new package …14,000? …Folks, $14,000 … Oh, she’s a rarity…Not too many virgins around these days...And certainly not for this price! …. This deal is a steal! ….

Come on, 14,000? … Do I hear 14,000? … $14,000? ….14,000? … SOLD!!! … SOLD TO THE ITALIAN BUSINESSMAN FROM BOLOGNA! EXCELLENT CHOICE SIR, CONGRATULATIONS!”

Internet marketing — a whole new way of commerce!

According to news reports, Alina Percea, an 18 year old Romanian born college student studying in Germany auctioned off her virginity for $14,000 on a website so she could afford to pay for her computer degree.

Woe, these truly are wretched economic times! …Woe is me!

Now she faces losing half of her virginity earnings to the Tax Man.

HALF!

That’s like getting f----- twice.

Sorry, but it is.

UNBELIEVABLE!

Stupid Girl!

$14,000 for your virginity?

What on earth was she thinking?

Oh, she must feel just horrible about herself!

Just horrible!

She must really hate herself now!

What has the world come to?

Selling your virginity?
Online?
For $14,000?

Is that what virginity has been reduced to? A mere $14,000 lousy, stinking dollars? You can’t even buy a dec... [Read More]

Generally, I stay out of religion and politics.

I have to.

It’s a matter of maintaining my sanity and a healthy blood pressure level. I used to write for the news, now I can barely watch it. My blood pressure literally soars and sometimes I get so frustrated that I can’t express myself right.

FYI: I’m all about full disclosure and disclaimers. So, here it goes. I am a Christian girl. In fact, I’m an Arab Christian girl. I have absolutely no right to speak about Sharia Law, which is practiced in Saudi Arabia. I am not an expert; I did not get a PhD in Islamic studies. And to be honest, I don’t even think it has remotely anything to do with religion whatsoever… ahhh…buuuut that’s another blog. At any rate, plain and simple, it is not my place to comment. So, as a general rule, I usually keep my mouth shut about things that I don’t know about—and only talk about the things that I do.

But every once in a while, I just have to put in my 2 cents.

By the way, that would be MY 2 cents.

Yup, all mine.

So, if I’ve overpaid, well then, I guess I just have to slap myself.

Let me also say that I have a couple of very good Saudi Arabian male friends. Friends of my own brother, who are like brothers to me, who I know, would NEVER slap a woman. EVER. And would literally beat a man silly if they ever laid a hand on me. They are honorable, good men, as so many are.

But I feel for my Saudi sisters in this predicament. I really do.

According to recent news reports, a Saudi Arabian judge told a group of women attending a domestic violence seminar that under the Law, a husband has the right to slap his wife if she overspends his money. He reportedly said “"if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punis... [Read More]

THE THREE R's

*As understood by Americans: Reading Writing and Arithmetic.

*As understood by Immigrants: Restaurants, Real Estate, and Retail.

(Uhh … how come the immigrants managed to get the three that actually start with the letter R? Hmmm… Interesting.)

We’re Business People, Straight-Up Entrepreneurs

We don’t like to work for other people. It’s as simple as that. We like to be the boss and that’s that. We’re phenomenal when it comes to business. We’re merchants. Always were, always will be. If there’s something to sell, we’ll sell it. If there’s something you need, we’ll find it and sell it to you. Sometimes we’ll sell it to you, even if you’re not sure that you want to buy it.

We’re always hustling. And when it’s our turn to buy, we never accept the actual price, either—that’s just too insulting. It’s insulting to our inner-selves, our families, our ancestors and our heritage. We feel like we’ve betrayed our entire race. We just don’t do it. Actually, we can’t do it.

You see, we haggle. And we haggle—well. We can’t help but bring the price down lower than the seller’s asking price, sometimes even if it’s just one lousy, stinking penny. We just have to do it. It’s in our blood. And you know what? If we don’t do it, we feel like we just got ripped off. Like, we just got chumped. And nobody wants to feel like they just got chumped.

In rare cases, when we do accidentally slip off course (we all have those days) and end up paying more than we want to, we start to feel bad about ourselves and ugly things happen. It’s the beginnings of a diva’s inner rage. After running her mouth in a lengthy, unsuccessful attempt to lower the price, she’ll throw her right hand up in the air, lift her head up proudly, and shout, “Yalla! Khalas! Stifflay!” ( Loosely translated as a ticked-off, “Whatever! Forget you! Do whatever you want!”) As if it’s your fault that she spent mor... [Read More]

Marriage is to Arabs what baseball is to Americans—their national pastime—except that it is much more fast-paced, even when the players are on steroids. It’s actually more like basketball–Hell, it’s March Madness! High speed, high energy, and rapid scoring!

Double teamed at center court—Whoa! A hook-shot! Airball!

Unbelievable! Rebound!

She shoots and scores!

Mariam is engaged to Samir!

For those who have been working hard all season to find a husband, getting married could be compared to the Super Bowl. But it carries much more prestige than American football. And like soccer’s International World Cup, it almost always has global repercussions. Unfortunately, depending on how long a girl’s been waiting, getting married might also be likened to the real Olympics, you know, like a single shot every four years.

(continued...)

The Tabal

The tabal is basically the bachelorette party. Again, it’s not anything like what you’re thinking. Trust me, Las Vegas, this is not. Besides, us Syrian girls know from experience that “What happens in the village—Doesn’t ever stay in the village!” You know what I mean?

The tabal starts out real girlish and then gets real rough ‘n’ tough. At the tabal, all the women gather at the bride’s father’s house. They put on music and dance in the living room. During that time, there are a variety of traditional customs that make the occasion very special. One such custom is that the maid of honor paints henna on the bride’s hands.  The bride is also showered with rose petals as she dances the beautiful Arabic dance.

And her sito—her sito (grandmother)—stands in the middle of the room and, for lack of a better term, ba... [Read More]